Buy Purple Spartans at the Farmers Market 2 weeks ago - deep red skin that polishes up beautifully -sometimes called lunch box apples because they are not too big and don't bruise easily - sweet and juicy too.
Search the Internet for recipes that don't involve syrup, molasses, caramels, or candy thermometers because its 9:30 pm and its too late to go shopping.
Let your son poke the apples with the skewers because he really likes poking things with sticks but tell him after each one that its the last one he is doing and that he really needs to go to bed now.
Add 2 tbsp butter to pan and then 2 cups dark brown sugar to pan over high heat - note recipe calls for light brown sugar over low heat and gentle boil but go your own way instead.
Wonder why the melted sugar is still gritty - add sweetened condensed milk to compensate - not in recipe
Leave pot unattended to put son back to bed. Listen to him maintain he can't sleep - its just too exciting to think about his Death Eater Ring Wraith skeleton faced double nunchaka carrying costume.
Go back to kitchen to find burned bottom of sugar mixture - but not too burned - tastes a bit brule.
Dip apples - search for something to dip the dipped apples in to cover up the strange looking caramel with the burned bits.
Settle on almonds - press into apples - Looks good.
Inadvertently break stick on apple as nuts pressed in - take a deep breath - continue more carefully.
Give dipped apple to son.
Verdict - "pretty good for your first try at caramel apples" thumbs up sign
Give another apple to husband
Verdict - "delicious - can I have another"
Son now asleep - wonder if soporific effect due to apple or just coincidence, fleeting thought about Snow White.
Try apple yourself.
Verdict - "Actually pretty good"